Are we born with confidence? NO.
Are some people genetically blessed with the Sass gene? NO.
Can we teach ourselfs to trust ourselves more? YES.
For most of my life I have been what I like to call unconfident. However, in the last couple of years, I have realised that most women are exactly the same as me. Criticising everything we don’t LOVE and not appreciating what we are naturally blessed with. Growing up people around me would say “You must learn to love yourself” or “Don’t be so hard on yourself” but how do you do that? I never knew what steps I should have taken to ‘Love myself’, truly.
If someone asked me 5 years ago what do you like about yourself? I would have answered nothing. Thinking back on that makes me sad, I literally couldn’t find a single thing I liked, let alone loved about myself. I always looked at the girls who came across super confident, swanning around with not a care in the world and wondered how they did it? I wanted it but my mind was always putting me down, maybe some of you can relate?
So here is a list of things that have worked for me, over a very long period of time, to help me learn to like myself and just be comfortable in my own skin. No one has influenced this, no therapist, parent or friend so its completely personal and may not work for you. I really hope it helps at least one of you.
1. Work in a job that you LOVE: I know this sounds like something that is out of your control but it’s really not. If you HATE your job, you shouldn’t be doing it. Do what you love, within reason and obviously be sensible. The thing is, if you love something, you’re more likely to be good at it, therefore giving you a confidence boost. Motivation increases when we are passionate about something, which makes us feel good about ourselves.
2. Surround yourself with quality people: At school it was all about everyone liking you and being friends with the most amount of people that you could, even if they weren’t that loyal. I have learned its all quality OVER quantity. Slowly I have filtered out the ‘friends’ that made me feel down, were negative and just were not the type of people I would trust. I now have friends that support, motivate and are proud of everything I do, this makes me smile and feel good.
3. Say something nice to yourself every day: This sounds silly but only works if you say it out loud, everyday. When we repeat a thought or saying over and over again our neurons form a pathway in our brain and a pattern that is easily reconnected. Keep telling yourself in the mirror 3 things you like, even if your lying at first. I guarantee you by week 3 you will genuinely LOVE those three things.
4. Treat others the way you want to be treated: You may not think this has ANYTHING to do with your own confidence but the better you treat people the better you will treat yourself. Be kind, do good deeds and you will continue that spirit on to yourself. I honestly believe that the lovelier you are to others the more kind you will be on yourself. There is no point in living your life being a party pooper, instead embrace the positives and support others.
I hope this will have helped some of you, as it really helped me. Let’s all take some steps to loving ourselves, inside and out.